The beginning

I would like to share my thoughts and personal journey with myself, and anyone who stumbles onto this blog and would like to read it.  The name is Angela - my name and Lavani, which means grace.  I hope to have grace in the way I love my life and treat others.

I recently started reading a blog that has really changed my outlook on things. Aura Joon is a fabulous blog which has wonderful photography and chronicles the life of Aura.

I have started listening to much more "chill" music like Bob Marley, Brett Dennen, Ray LaMontagne and Jack Johnson.  It's funny how you do not realize who uptight you are until you find something that helps you to relax.  I still feel a bit of tension because I know I need to push myself to focus and worker harder at my job.  I am an attorney.  I love that I am an attorney.  I do not love the boring things that I have to do. I do love that I get to help people sometimes, and make things right.

I have always loved taking pictures.  Lots and lots of them.  In the past I have taken pictures with a simple point and shoot.  Aura Joon make me realize that I have a rich desire to capture the beauty in the world around me.  My husband bought me a camera.  He sent it to his sister to save $20.00 in tax.  Apparently Sony does not have a distribution center in Nebraska, so you don't have to pay tax there.  That annoyed me EXTENSIVELY.  But, my chill music and yoga helped me focus and realize that it does not matter.

Joshy - my husband.  He has been so patient through my evolution to adulthood.  He always pushes me to be better, be more self-less and be the best version of me that I can be.  It is not always comfortable.  But I know that he always has good intentions.

We have been in a constant state of flux since I finished lawschool.  I have had a very difficult time adjusting to being in an office all day.  I enjoy some of the people I work with.  There is one person I do not enjoy.  He can be very short with me.  I do not appreciate being disrespected or when people are short with me.  It brings me down.  I try not to let my moods affect how I treat others.  I expect the same control in others.  Apparently they do not all have that kind of control.  I just try to focus on the fact that if I stay at my firm, I will have the chance to inherit some very good clients from one of my bosses.  Another boss can teach me much about litigation and employment law.

I also will have much more flexibility if I stay at my firm.  When I am a partner I will make whatever I bring in.  "Eat what you kill".  That means that if I want to have a shorter work week, I can.  That is HUGE for me.  I cannot wait to have kids.  In some ways I can though.  I am not excited for the crying that I cannot stop, and the pain and discomfort that will come when there is nothing I can do to make them feel better.  Heaven forbid they have any sort of developmental problems, I know that will be hard.  But if it is God's will for me to help with world, and for that child to help us be better people through their various challenges - there is a reason for it.

We have been in a state of flux because of me.  I have had a problem with changing what I want.  When I realized I was not entirely happy as an attorney I considered other options like nursing, going to get my MBA to work at a foundation or in business.  But, at the end of the day - it made the most sense to keep being an attorney.  I get to do Unemployment Benefit hearings.  Through those I really feel like I get to help people, and make a difference in their lives.  When I lose I feel awful.  But when we win, I know I have helped them.  I am so thankful that God has helped me find peace in my job.

He has also helped me to find peace in where we live.  I am not a huge fan of the town that we live in.  It is the second largest city in Kansas.  There are good cultural things to do.  I need to take more time to enjoy those things.  There are also many poor and homeless people here.  There are many manufacturers that operate here.  That creates a boom and bust cycle that is hard on people.  I hate to see that.  I have to say that there are many non-profits in the city that try to help though.  I have found a peace here.  I live in a lovely home.  We are right at the edge of the city.  I literally have a field that grows milo during the summer right behind my back yard.  I drive 15 minutes and I am down-town.

I am such a mixture of loves.  I love cities and cultural events.  I enjoy art and music.  I also enjoy nature and the earth.  So this really is a great place for me.  I need to find the beauty and joy in it.

I want to do a better job of taking care of myself.  This means that I need to start eating more organic and natural food.  The farther removed from nature an item is, the less good for you it is.  This is hard because many low calorie options are very processed.  I also need to work out more.  I have joined the YMCA.  I have loved getting back into yoga.  I have my own routine that takes 30 - 40 minutes.  Ideally I would do this every morning.  I also need to do cardio to burn some calories.  I am around 125 lbs now.  I need to be at 115.  I have a small frame.

I cannot wait until February 22.  Every day after that is my own.  I will get to focus on doing well at my job and enjoying life through hobbies.  I will hopefully get my camera at the end of March.  Until then I need to focus on getting our house put back together.  Joshy finally is entirely moved into our home in Wichita.  We need to organize our basement.