Learning of late!

 The first flowers of spring! I've been learning about photography just a smidge lately.  Apparently my camera has a "macro" function, so I should be able to take very cool up close photos of wildlife.

Learning about aperature!  It was quite awhile before I got a good shutter speed and focus to take a good picture of Pistol!

I have also been trying to learn about what makes me happy.  I think I will have to narrow down my volunteering for next year.  I have always been an overachiever.  So when I get into an organization I aspire to leadership.  This year I took on too much in Junior League.  Now I do not enjoy it.  I want to find inner peace.  I think that I enjoy my life, and everyone around me enjoys ME more if I have peace.  Now....to find it!

Here's a more arty pic from my Fashion blog!

Reflections on Romance

When my husband and I started dating in September of 2005 my heart ached when I wasn't around him.  I remember the physical pain I felt when missing him.  I remember in January 2006 I was so sad to not get to see him for a few weeks over Christmas.  I came back to Lawrence a few days before I expected him to be back.  I was watching movies with a friend and her partner.  I had talked with Joshy several times that day.  Each time he mentioned that he was driving around to visit friends, but said he didn't have to go.  This all came together for me when someone rang the doorbell of my friend's apartment.  I was absolutely SHOCKED to see him standing there.  I was SOO thrilled to see him.  That was romantic. Now we have been married for just over a year and a half.  He is still romantic.  He left me flowers in my car on Valuntine's day.  I love him.  I actually do not miss that pain that I felt so poignantly when we were apart back then.  But it is nice to reflect on how it felt to fall in love with THE ONE.

The pictures of me in the silver shrug were of our first date!  We actually kissed in the rain after our date ;). I think it's so cute that there are rays of light in the pictures.  Sparks were flying!

From Aura Joon's blog.


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Volunteering

I love volunteering.  I think it is a great way to feel like you're making a difference in the world.  Hopefully you are actually helping someone with your time, talent or treasure.  I had been volunteering with a local battered women's shelter last year.  I stopped because some things came up.  Now that I should be able to start again, I wonder if I should.  Did I get anything out of it?  Yes, I helped with Spiritual Time. This means that I have a few bible verses ready to go.  This forces me to take some time with my daily devotional.  I also should be starting a bible study soon.  So I can use some of that inspiration.  However, I feel a bit odd telling these women about finding God as a source of comfort.  Not that I don't think that God and Jesus can provide comfort.  I do.  I just feel a bit insincere.  While there are parts of my history that are filled with stress, emotional abuse and some physical violence.  It is nothing like what these ladies have normally gone through.   May God guide me as to the best place to use my time and talents.

I would actually like to get more involved in my church.  Is it selfish to want to find more friends through that outlet?

So  a general list of the activities that I hope to be involved with this year:
1) Bible Study - Monday nights - Feb - April/May
2) Working out - Tues and Thursday mornings, Wed, Sat and Sun.
3) Gardening
4) Photography
5) Volunteering at Battered Women's Shelter - 2 Thursdays a Month
6) Cooking better for myself and family
7) Women Attorney's meeting - One lunch meeting a Month - more work Feb and December (special events)
8) Junior League - One General meeting a month, one committee meeting a month.
9) Chamber of Commerce - One meeting a month.

A few of these are mostly for career purposes (Chamber and Women Attorney's).  I should probably keep those.  Faith and Health are so important, so I need to keep Bible Study, Working Out, and Cooking Better. Hobbies help me enjoy life and the world around me.

The one thing I can do is not add to this list.  I was hoping to add working with a "Girls on the Run" non-profit to help young girls with running for health and self-esteem issues.  I was also hoping to spend time with my church group that visits th elderly that are home bound.  Can I do it all?  No.  I'll have to make some choices.

One thing I might take a step back in is Junior League.  This year I have a leadership position that has not given me much joy.  I think I will not self-submit for a leadership position this year.  I definitely will not double place.  This year I am technically on a second committee, but I have not done a lot there.   

Puppies

My dog adds so much joy to my life.  She just loves.  She does ask to have her porcupine Henry thrown around from time to time.  Joshy really enjoys terrorizing her.  I love taking pictures of how the sun lights up our world.  Here are Joshy and Pistol.

The beginning

I would like to share my thoughts and personal journey with myself, and anyone who stumbles onto this blog and would like to read it.  The name is Angela - my name and Lavani, which means grace.  I hope to have grace in the way I love my life and treat others.

I recently started reading a blog that has really changed my outlook on things. Aura Joon is a fabulous blog which has wonderful photography and chronicles the life of Aura.

I have started listening to much more "chill" music like Bob Marley, Brett Dennen, Ray LaMontagne and Jack Johnson.  It's funny how you do not realize who uptight you are until you find something that helps you to relax.  I still feel a bit of tension because I know I need to push myself to focus and worker harder at my job.  I am an attorney.  I love that I am an attorney.  I do not love the boring things that I have to do. I do love that I get to help people sometimes, and make things right.

I have always loved taking pictures.  Lots and lots of them.  In the past I have taken pictures with a simple point and shoot.  Aura Joon make me realize that I have a rich desire to capture the beauty in the world around me.  My husband bought me a camera.  He sent it to his sister to save $20.00 in tax.  Apparently Sony does not have a distribution center in Nebraska, so you don't have to pay tax there.  That annoyed me EXTENSIVELY.  But, my chill music and yoga helped me focus and realize that it does not matter.

Joshy - my husband.  He has been so patient through my evolution to adulthood.  He always pushes me to be better, be more self-less and be the best version of me that I can be.  It is not always comfortable.  But I know that he always has good intentions.

We have been in a constant state of flux since I finished lawschool.  I have had a very difficult time adjusting to being in an office all day.  I enjoy some of the people I work with.  There is one person I do not enjoy.  He can be very short with me.  I do not appreciate being disrespected or when people are short with me.  It brings me down.  I try not to let my moods affect how I treat others.  I expect the same control in others.  Apparently they do not all have that kind of control.  I just try to focus on the fact that if I stay at my firm, I will have the chance to inherit some very good clients from one of my bosses.  Another boss can teach me much about litigation and employment law.

I also will have much more flexibility if I stay at my firm.  When I am a partner I will make whatever I bring in.  "Eat what you kill".  That means that if I want to have a shorter work week, I can.  That is HUGE for me.  I cannot wait to have kids.  In some ways I can though.  I am not excited for the crying that I cannot stop, and the pain and discomfort that will come when there is nothing I can do to make them feel better.  Heaven forbid they have any sort of developmental problems, I know that will be hard.  But if it is God's will for me to help with world, and for that child to help us be better people through their various challenges - there is a reason for it.

We have been in a state of flux because of me.  I have had a problem with changing what I want.  When I realized I was not entirely happy as an attorney I considered other options like nursing, going to get my MBA to work at a foundation or in business.  But, at the end of the day - it made the most sense to keep being an attorney.  I get to do Unemployment Benefit hearings.  Through those I really feel like I get to help people, and make a difference in their lives.  When I lose I feel awful.  But when we win, I know I have helped them.  I am so thankful that God has helped me find peace in my job.

He has also helped me to find peace in where we live.  I am not a huge fan of the town that we live in.  It is the second largest city in Kansas.  There are good cultural things to do.  I need to take more time to enjoy those things.  There are also many poor and homeless people here.  There are many manufacturers that operate here.  That creates a boom and bust cycle that is hard on people.  I hate to see that.  I have to say that there are many non-profits in the city that try to help though.  I have found a peace here.  I live in a lovely home.  We are right at the edge of the city.  I literally have a field that grows milo during the summer right behind my back yard.  I drive 15 minutes and I am down-town.

I am such a mixture of loves.  I love cities and cultural events.  I enjoy art and music.  I also enjoy nature and the earth.  So this really is a great place for me.  I need to find the beauty and joy in it.

I want to do a better job of taking care of myself.  This means that I need to start eating more organic and natural food.  The farther removed from nature an item is, the less good for you it is.  This is hard because many low calorie options are very processed.  I also need to work out more.  I have joined the YMCA.  I have loved getting back into yoga.  I have my own routine that takes 30 - 40 minutes.  Ideally I would do this every morning.  I also need to do cardio to burn some calories.  I am around 125 lbs now.  I need to be at 115.  I have a small frame.

I cannot wait until February 22.  Every day after that is my own.  I will get to focus on doing well at my job and enjoying life through hobbies.  I will hopefully get my camera at the end of March.  Until then I need to focus on getting our house put back together.  Joshy finally is entirely moved into our home in Wichita.  We need to organize our basement.