What To Do When You Don't KNOW

I have been struggling with issues lately.  This post from MakeUnderMyLife is exactly what I needed to read.  I'm trying to let go of the “needing to know” and just start living life with the not-knowing.

Okay guys, time to level. I apologize about not getting too “deep” here lately. I’ve been very busy with Jess LC, consulting, life, and so on. Not too “out of whack my life is upside down,” but just working at a very brisk pace. And as an result, there will be some exciting product launches at Jess LC in the next few months.

I should also mention that I highly recommend Bridesmaids as a movie choice. (Even Mr. Lively thought it was great.)

Okay, now it’s time to get back to business, or in this case, life.

A few weeks ago I was going through some serious pangs of wondering, questioning, and over-thinking. And it’s taken me a lot of thought, reflection, and seeking to really sort out the cause, solution, and wisdom from the experience.

I believe that we all have pieces of our life puzzle that shift in and out of place over time. Sometimes pieces change shape, get lost, or simply disappear. And sometimes pieces miraculously fit, appear out of thin air, and complete the picture. Puzzle pieces can be large or small, foundational or peripheral.

But when one of the foundational pieces seems to be missing, it’s uncomfortable.

Lately I want to know whether something in my life will happen (or not happen) in the future. Though I have a million thoughts about what I want to happen, I know that I need that cool, deep, calm feeling of knowing in my gut before taking any real, decisive action.

But the simple truth was no matter how hard my ego thinks about this topic, it does not make me one ounce more confident in the spiritual knowing that I seek to feel so desperately.

Eventually on a run last week I realized that the pangs of frustration and uncertainty that I felt about my situation probably correlate closely to the pangs others feel about trying to find their life purpose or a fulfilling job.

Or those who are seeking their life partner.

Or those might be ready to have children.

Or for those with a relationship needs to end (or begin).

Or for those that need to seek help for an addiction.

Or those contemplating retirement.

Or those who feel a deep sense of discomfort in some area of their life.

And then, in that moment of clarity, I began to reflect on my own personal quandary and apply what I’d tell a purpose seeker.

I began to remind myself to not forget the other awesome pieces of my life that are in place this very moment. Though one important piece of my life puzzle isn’t in place yet, I have so many other pieces – HUGE pieces – that are there. And I do a disservice to my life and enjoyment of this present moment if I disregard the right parts of my life in order to focus only on the missing pieces.

I also realized that there was no way that my ego is able to talk my spirit into knowing anything. I could rationalize all day long, but I was never going to turn thinking into knowing. And the worry that began to grow with this crazy obsession became more of a witch hunt, trying to attack all the thoughts I felt about the situation and see if they lead to some (un)certain conclusion.

All the frustration and frantic seeking got me was worried and anxious. Eventually I even felt sick to my stomach.

But none of the craziness was going to help me find the puzzle piece I was seeking.

So I started to interrupt the crazed and worried thoughts and started to replace them with the truth that I didn’t ‘know’ but that I was doing the best I could and realized I was exactly where I needed to be in that very moment. I started to re-balance my perspective on life to include all of the dozens of things that are going really well right now.

I let go of the “needing to know” and just started living life with the not-knowing.

Since then, my mind has relaxed quite a bit. And ever so slowly I am starting to get a better handle on where my gut might lead me in the future without pushing it in any one direction. By living my life, trying new things, and leaving room for the unknown I think I might just make a place for knowing to actually exist when the time is right.

I just need to remember that the “time” just isn’t something I can force with my mind, but trust to my spirit.